“What the f%ck does WTF mean?”
-Simon Pegg in the movie The World’s End
Song Mood: “Living Dead Girl” – Rob Zombie
What am I doing? I can’t run a marathon.
This is the week where the whole notion seems crazy to me. I was the person in gym class who used to dread the one day we had to run 1.5 miles around a track. And now I’m going to add on almost 25 miles to that? What am I thinking?
I had kind of a rough week. A terrible cold knocked me on my butt, causing me to skip two days of cross-training. I managed to get my running in, but only by breathing through a stuffed-up nose. Besides all that, it was a miserable week at work. Trying to solve a problem with no answer while having my boss raise her voice at me more than once really shakes my confidence. It’s amazing to me how a bad week can affect your training. It seemed to seep into everything I did – from feeling over tired during my hill work out, to wanting to quit during my spin class, and finally my longest run yet – the 18-miler.
My training partner said that some days you have it and some days you don’t. She definitely had it going on that day, pretty much staying on her pace target. I clearly didn’t. When I realized I was struggling at mile 12, I knew something was wrong and everything fell apart from there. Once you have it in your head you are struggling, it can be hard to get yourself out of a downward spiral. I fell far behind my running partner, needed to take full stops for fuel breaks and just plain didn’t have it in me to push the last few miles in the end. It was so disheartening especially since I had felt so good during my 16-mile run. Reaching mile 17, all I had in my head was how there was no way I was going to be able to finish this marathon and there was no way I would put my name in for the Boston marathon after this.
I don’t know if my body just crapped out from trying to heal from my illness or if my anxious mental state from problems at work caused this hiccup in my training. But it goes to show how so much can affect your long run, even if you start out feeling pretty okay. It’s something I hadn’t even considered before, but I think I could benefit from some meditation or mindfulness exercises when things in life tend to get overwhelming. Just hoping the run will calm me down and take away my anxiety may not be enough at this stage. I’m mentally and physically exhausted all the time from training, I need to pay attention to what’s going on with me.
It makes me nervous that my longest training run went so badly. I really only have one more ridiculously long run to redeem myself. I need to focus and get back to that good place of training I was in before. I need to leave all those WTF moments behind me and move forward.
What are your biggest struggles with your training?